Week 7: Why is Everything So Heavy?

This week has been one of those week’s that I would like to forget about. For starters, last weekend was incredible but it has become like a blur and I really mean that.  Monday was a day filled with no focus or motivation at all. It took a long time to get any kind of work done.  The next three days (Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday) were long days. There are some great moments (meeting Tre on Tuesday, finally putting up my Power Rangers posters on Wednesday, and talking with Dr. Cook on Thursday) but instead they have been replaced with some else: Madness.

The past three nights have been the worst sleep that I have had since college. I have tried different movie/TV scores to sleep with, reading a Taekwondo book, reading stories on my phone, using both night lights and my mood light to sleep with. Nothing worked….  It has been filled with reliving night terrors, constant tossing and turning, agony, and pain. It has turned me into an unfocused, miserable, moody, and not really wanting to be around anyone for short periods of time.  It has also lead to doubts about being here at seminary, thinking, etc… has led me into a constant state of madness.  I do not know what to do. I have prayed and replace these thoughts with positive thoughts but only to be instantly replaced with madness.

I have had people who have talked to me and try to comfort me but it is very hard to understand what I am thinking. I wish that there was a dream-like machine from Inception on the market because I need it badly.  I am sorry to everyone who I have treated badly this week. I have not been myself this week. I ask for your forgiveness and grace…

Prayer requests for this week: more sleep and better focus on my school work.

Thank you for reading….  Good bye.

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